I long.....
by Anna Lefay
Summary: Cassies POV on her past and present family.


I Long . . .

by 

Lynsey Wills

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TITLE: I Long . . .   
AUTHOR: Lynsey Wills   
EMAIL: Lynsey.Wills@btinternet.com   
CATEGORY: POV, Thoughts   
PAIRING: Sam/Jack   
SPOILERS: Season five slightly   
SEASON / SEQUEL: 5   
RATING: PG   
CONTENT WARNINGS: None   
SUMMARY: Cassie's thoughts about her past and present family!   
STATUS: Complete   
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis   
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.   
AUTHOR'S NOTES: To Laura (waters) who is a wonderful friend and I love her very much! Merry Christmas Laura!! 

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When my Mom died I mourned, she was all I had, and I did love her, very much in my own way, as I knew she did hers.

My dad died a year after I was born, I still wish I could have known him and the older I become I realise that it will never happen, but it never hurts to wish.

On the rare occasions that I do think of him though I imagine him to someone like Jack O'Neill, a caring (when no one else is around) funny and protective guy, I still laugh at what he had met Dominic, he gave the 'father' speech of 'if you hurt my little girl…' etc, Dominic has been hesitating at the thought of touching me lately, I'm trying to break the spell Jack put on him, so far no such luck.

My Grandma and grandpa had died many years before I was born, and my dad's parents died just after he was, I have no brothers and sister's to mourn after either, my mother had re-married, she had once said that being a mother was a full time job, and she could never love anyone like she loved my father, I had never seen that side of her at the time, a romantic side, she would never see it again either.

Lately I have discovered that my thoughts have been less on where I came from, the people I lost, my friends and mother, that part of me died four years ago, now I have a big family, with people who all love me, that treat me like an adult but with the comfort that a little girl needs to feel, to know that they are special, I have a new mother and father, and hundreds of aunts and uncles.

I suppose you wish to know who my new mother is? Well technically I have two, there's the woman who is legally my mother, my adopted mother, Janet Fraiser MD.

For the past few years that I have lived on this new and wondrous planet, with technology I would never have imagined existed before, she has looked after me, loved and protected me as if I were her own, I know that we bother love each other because we both had the feeling of loss at one point, she so desperately wanted a child, and heart wrenchingly found that she couldn't, and me the absence of a parent.

Sometimes I can feel her looking at me when I am reading, or doing homework, I can feel her gaze trying to bore into my mind, to find some trace of what I may be thinking, and I know what she is really looking for, who do I see as my mother?

The second mother that I mentioned earlier gave me life again; she rescued me when I thought that I would be left on that god-forsaken planet for the rest on my miserable life.

Her name is Sam Carter, hopefully one day she will be Sam O'Neill, but lets not get into that right now… ok, lets…

For the past five years Jack and her have been dancing and flirting around each other like nobodies business and to tell you the truth it's starting to really annoy me, I mean, it is one of those things that becomes blatantly obvious to a new cadet the moment he or she is in the same room as them.

When Sam's back is turned he watches her with such love it's heartbreaking, and even though Sam also holds the same love she tries not to show it as much, due to past experience I think, that mean Hanson guy, then of course there was the alien heart throbs that had fallen for her and died, I never saw her cry, but I knew she did, maybe some people believe her to be a heartless bitch that follows everything by the book and remains detached, but I am living proof that it is completely untrue.

Daniel and Teal'c, they are my 'uncles' who are on the same team as Sam and Jack, promised me that if they didn't get together by themselves before Christmas then they were going to intervene by plastering the walls of the SGC with mistletoe, and I know for a fact that they are NOT joking.

I'm missing the point again aren't I? As I was saying, Janet is a wonderful mother who loves me like her own, and I love her because she is a wonderful person who wants me, she fills the role my biological mother played perfectly.

As you can guess there is a but hanging in the air (if you have jack O'Neill's sense of humour you will find a funny comment in what I said, if you are sensible you won't)

BUT Sam feel's more like my mother, after all, she saved my life and was willing to die with me so I would never be alone, also, she barely ever left my side when Nittiri was being a goa'uld bitch and making me mutant human and willing to let me die for her research, as you can imagine neither of the doctor's were going to let that happen, which I am extremely grateful for I might add.

My point is, in my life I have had three mothers, my biological one, whom I loved but at times I think she wished I had died and not her beloved husband, she could be very cold towards me, she only looked after me because she knew my father would never have forgiven her otherwise.

Janet, she knows that she is my friend, God mother and a great adoptive mother, but she also knows that I wish Sam was my mother, there has always been that bond between me and her, and if Jack and her were to get together it would be even better!! I already see him as the father I never had.

In my heart I know these are just longings, and they always say you never get to pick your family, they are right, in my case my family picked me.

Tonight is the annual Sam and Cass sleepover, when I can pretend so I had best start getting ready, maybe I will be allowed to stay the weekend, if Janet is working, which I think she is, then I could spend more time with my mom and I can also pretend that we are a normal family, and she is not in a job that could kill her.

"Cass!! You ready?"

"Be right down!" I shout back.

I love my family, but it never stops my heart from longing.

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Feedback to Lynsey Wills   
Heliopolis - The Stargate SG-1 Fanfiction Archive 


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